Tax Tips

Screwed by CRA - Really

So what do you do, when as happened to the Canada Revenue Agency, your case against the taxpayer is going in the tank? All your evidence is being thrown out faster than old fish and smells just as bad. If all else fails you seduce the taxpayers secretary and see if you can get something out of her during pillow talk. Yup, CRA screws secretaries. How did it get to this? It all started back in 1986. Mr. Pirruccio was convinced by the government to open a tile processing and manufacturing business in Cape Breton, the home of never ending professional unemployment and the local football team is called the 'Kick Backs'. After putting up a couple of million bucks the guy had the temerity to ask the guys from the program to put up the dough the government had promised as an inducement. At this point the deal went off the rails. It sounds like the kind of situation where when government grants are handed out there are certain 'fees' to be paid to the ruling party or local candidate. I don't know if that was the situation but the deal fell through after Pirruccio had already sunk his money into the deal. The Feds were so riled by the guy not coming through that they decided for some serious revenge. What does the government do when it is highly annoyed? As in  the case of Ledrew, Issac and a legion of others, it calls in Revcan.

In February of 1991 the Canada Revenue Agency raided Pirruccio's office and took all his documents amongst which were a number of files exonerating him. While in the possession of the Canada Revenue Agency auditor, the auditor’s dog ate the files clearing Pirruccio. These could not be produced in court although the defence lawyer demanded  them. The guy was going to jail on charges of nine counts of tax evasion, fraud and forgery. Then someone found copies of the missing documents in the Nova Scotia government files. The case collapsed faster than a political promise. It was time to seduce Pirruccio's secretary and get the goods on him. Now I don't know if the Canada Revenue Agency has a 'Stud' pool or how you get chosen for that position but they brought one of their guys in to take a run at this single mother with a seven year old child. While he had her in a hotel room he not only had intercourse with her but threatened  her with prosecution and the loss of her child if she didn't cough up. After the event and a couple of years in psychotherapy the secretary sued the Canada Revenue Agency and got $250,000. The stud was docked a days pay. While writing this I couldn't help but wonder. Does the stud pool provide contraceptives? If not does the stud buy them and charge them to Revcan? If no contraceptives are used and offspring result how does the government handle its bastard? An immediate appointment to the Senate? If retarded, a position at CRA? Maybe that explains some of the tax collector's actions you see and hear of. Oh, and what of Mr Pirruccio? The government was ordered to pay him 7.5 million of your hard earned dollars as a result of a suit pursued and won by his lawyer Sam Laufer. Outside legal counsel has informed the Revcan lawyers that an appeal has, zero, nada zilch chance of success but they're going ahead anyway. Hell, it's only your money.

You may ask, 'How do I avoid this problem'? First always pay your kick backs. As a result of the MacDonald case in the 1950's bribes paid to government officials are a tax deductible expense. Getting receipts is difficult as this is a cash business  as we learned from 'Adscam'. If you are being audited or prosecuted by CRA tell all your employees, their families, children and friends to be on the look out for fast talking men offering candies or hot sex.

Most importantly, as I have discovered, don’t believe that the government agency you are in conflict with will obey the country’s laws.

 alex@alexdoulis.com 416-955-9511

© Copyright 1998 - 2016 Alex Doulis. All rights reserved.

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